Saturday, March 31, 2012

Teach me what you know.

Me too. (
I enjoy immersing myself in dialogue about concepts larger than us all - existence, truth, purpose. My passions for these themes have made me struggle to express my emotions and dreams. How can I compete with the philosophers of the Enlightenment, the sociologists whose work I studied in college, the artists whose works have touched me so profoundly I've always known I wanted to build upon their contributions? What do I have to offer the universe that hasn't already been contributed?

I’ll be honest: I like to think I’ll be remembered long after I leave this Earth. That maybe someone struggling to express herself might find refuge in my world. Still every day I wake up and live in a society that tells me I’m no more special than anyone else. I have to put food on my table and keep a roof over my head, and my dreams don’t seem to hold much currency in fulfilling those obligations. I wonder if I even want to be part of a world like this, if anyone achieves fulfillment as much as a sense that their place in the universe is “good enough.”

After years of asking these questions, I haven’t seemed to find any answers. Few people seem to honestly know if their life is as meaningful as it could be, yet that doubt doesn’t always appear to shake them as much as it has for me.

Reading my previous work I’m struck by how much of it is focused on my self, my questions, and I’m repulsed. Am I that self-centered? Maybe. Yet maybe, in working through these feelings and positing them in the realm of discussion – maybe I can move closer to reaching some answers, and connecting with other points of view.

So I’m going to keep on sharing. My ideas may at times be trivial, and they may not connect to any broader theme, but they won’t move anywhere if I keep them in my own head. Feel free to read along and teach me what you know. I’d love your company.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Grappling with my Dark Side

I realize I've become quite melancholic as I enter the second quarter of my life, and depending on your own current experiences, you may find my ramblings relatable or annoying. Maybe both.

I really am trying to build a life for myself. Those tangibles I mention - my job, family, friends, this blog - I recognize the support and sense of a foundation that they give me. Yet I still feel so, so empty inside. And for the first time in my life I'm questioning whether that void will ever be fulfilled. If I'll ever make it to the other side.

I know that I love to write. I've been thinking about going to graduate school. Maybe even moving across the country. I consider what it would be like to pursue these things. I wonder if I'll ever leave Suburban Connecticut.

More than that, though, at the moment I could use some guidance and affirmation. I know we all have our own bags of issues to deal with, so would it be possible for us to each other out?

I've been listening to this a lot lately:

Are we worth it? I think so...yet sometimes I need to hear it from you.